Is Anybody Out There?

I spend the majority of my time taking care of other people.

As a single mother, most of my time is obviously spent taking care of my daughter.

As a daughter, I also help take care of my father. He isn’t in the best health and can’t get around or do a whole lot by himself, so I help him with grocery shopping, taking him to doctor appointments, cutting his hair, and whatever other miscellaneous things he might need.

As a child care provider, my work week is spent taking care of other people’s children, day in and day out, with what feels like very little help. At least, lately.

As a friend, I try my hardest to take care of my friends. It’s important to me that the people I care about know that I’m there for them, and that I will do nearly anything for them. This goes for my family, too. It’s really just the type of person I am.

I’m happy to do things for other people, honestly. It makes me feel good to be known as someone that other people can count on.

It’s just, sometimes I wish someone would take care of me.

Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of friends and family who are there for me just as much as I’m there for them. I have people I can call whenever I need someone to talk to. I have people that check up on me when they know I’m going through something.

I have a lot of people that love and care about me.

But I’m exhausted. All. The. Time.

Is it anyone’s fault that I’m tired? No. It’s really not even my fault, (I don’t think), this is just my life. And granted, I definitely give off the vibe that I don’t need to be taken care of. Or that I’ve got this shit handled. Because in all reality, I do. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself, my daughter, my dad, my friends, and everyone else’s kids at work. I’m no stranger to working hard in every aspect of my life. I don’t need to be saved. I don’t need someone to do everything for me. But, like. It would just be nice once in a while, you know? And not even everything, but maybe like a couple things? Like, dude, put my clean clothes away and I’d be a happy camper. Take my recycling out that’s overflowing. Jesus. Anything.

It sounds like I’m saying I need a boyfriend. That’s not it. Or maybe it is. Actually, it probably is. But dating is a thing that I hate. And I’ve been seeing this guy, and it might lead to something? But I don’t know yet? But also I feel like it’s been long enough that I should know? Ugh.

Also been thinking about getting a puppy. Probably in place of the fact that I actually want a baby, but that’s not a plausible thing right now. So, yeah, a puppy. Puppies are cute too, right?

Notice I didn’t say I’m good at taking care of my personal self?

I mean, I shower and everything. But self-care? Taking care of my mental health? Low on my list. I’m the type of person who thinks everyone else’s problems are more important than my own, which is how I end up spreading myself so thin. Also how I get so anxious and stressed out. Mental health is important. I get that. But there are only so many hours in a day. Should I tell more people no? Make myself slightly less available? Probably. Will I? Not likely.

Why am I so bad at balancing everything in my life? Or am I bad at it? I don’t know. At this point, I’m just ranting. I literally have nothing figured out except how to be a semi-decent person. That’s pretty good though, right?

One thought on “Is Anybody Out There?”

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