Today was a good day

Yes, I quoted Ice Cube. I have some weird sense of pride of being able to sing along (er, rap along?) to rap songs. It’s weird, but it’s something my older brother and I used to do when we were younger, and still do today.

But, like I said, today was good. Actually, this weekend was good. There are some weekends when I feel like I got everything done that needed to be done. I got all my laundry finished (and even put away), went grocery shopping, did all the major cleaning. I’m ready for the week, and it’s so nice to not have to worry about what I’ll be cooking for dinner the next few nights.

This hasn’t always been the case, though.

Have you ever been in tears at the end of the day because you didn’t get around to mopping the floor?

Has the sight of dishes in your sink made you want to break down?

This is what anxiety does to me. Seemingly minuscule things build up in my head until I can’t take it, and before I know it I’m sobbing on my bed. And for what? My house is never really that messy. We always have food. My daughter always has clean clothes. Why do I let these things get to me? I can’t turn it off. Once my mind starts spinning out of control, I can’t make it stop. I know I’m being irrational. I know I’m being hard on myself. But once it starts, it seems there’s no turning back.

And to think, I used to think this was normal behavior. Not because of anything I’d seen on TV, but simply because I had always been this way, for as long as I can remember. I’m not the type to ask for help or to open up to a lot of people, so nobody was ever able to tell me that crying over a ‘dirty’ floor wasn’t something a lot of people did.

To deal with this, there are a couple different things I can do. The first, is to find a nice, soothing playlist on Spotify and color while it’s playing. I recommend the playlist, ‘Deep Focus’. It’s music you can listen to without really listening to, so it doesn’t take away from what you’re trying to do. Also, have you ever  tried an adult coloring book? They’re amazing, and it’s one of the few things I can do that actually clears my mind.

Secondly, I go running. Now, stay with me here, it’s not all about exercise. I mean, exercise is good for you, but it also burns the excess hormones in your brain that cause anxiety in the first place, and is huge stress relief. Highly recommend at any time, especially during finals week.

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